Summer Breaks With Kids Is The Number One Leading Cause Of Alcoholism.
A week before school gets out, Mom's are like, "We are going to have SO MUCH FUN this summer!", "I have so many fun activities planned!", "Can't wait for vacation!", "It will be so nice to sleep in for a change!", "We have to hit every zoo and museum in our state." And then you go on your first outing with your sweet peas, and 5 minutes in, your hopes and dreams come crashing down with your demon possessed child, who decides to fall on the ground at the gorilla exhibit because a piece of bark got in his shoe.
I admit it, I had false hopes for this summer. I was giving my insane children the benefit of the doubt. With each new school year comes new found maturity, right? They are suppose to be able to handle situations better than the year before. At least that's how things should go. But clearly, that's not how the world works. At least not in this house.
When I plan an adventure out with my children, I pack for any and all situations. Even if we're only going to the gas station. You never know when you'll need hydro cortisone cream, goggles, nail clippers or a cheddar, bacon quiche. Bring it all. Better safe than sorry. But last week, I wasn't as equipped as I thought.
Just 9 days into summer break, my middle son was chasing my older son around the house with a butter knife. It was time to get the heck out. We had already done the zoo, and the thought of that 45 min drive alone gave me heart palpitations. Luckily there is a new "play place" in the mall that I decided would be easy and close. I met up with my friend and her kids so we could run them all to exhaustion. Shockingly, it ended up being a lot of fun. The kids played well together and they were entertained the whole time.
But, all good things must come to an end. It was time to leave. Of course it was rush hour traffic when we decided to start the journey home. Have you ever been trapped in a car with three kids during rush hour traffic? I highly recommend it. As I pull in to stopped traffic, Charlie says, "Mom, my seat belt is too tight, I'm going to throw up!" I look back and see his seat belt had locked pretty tight on him, so I had to figure out a way to pull over and loosen his belt. Eventually I was able to pull into a church parking lot and ran around the van to unlatch him so he could breathe. After giving him a second to stretch out, I asked if he was ready to go. He said he was good, so back into stopped traffic we went. And just as we were gridlocked back in the swarm of infinite cars, Charlie proceeds to vomit all over himself. Now, this is where I failed. I had no plastic bag for him to barf in. I had no towels within arms reach, and I had nowhere to pull off to help clean him up. As I'm rolling the windows down and turning the AC on full blast, Jack is screaming that his brother is dying, I'm yelling "JUST KEEP THROWING UP IN YOUR LAP! DON'T TOUCH YOUR SISTER! YOU'RE OK! WE'RE ALMOST HOME!", but we had a good 15 minutes left of this torture. Luckily baby wipes were near until I could get us home to spray everything off with the hose.
Charlie is the only human being I know who can get car sick coming home from the freaking mall. Never underestimate your kids. They will always throw curve balls and you will always cry into your pillow on the nights they happen.
Yesterday I had the grand idea to take our kids to the beach. We have to take advantage of our sunny days here in the Pacific North West, because they are so few and far between. My husband was super grouchy about it and said, "Can't we just stay and play in our inflatable pool in the backyard?" Absolutely not! We have to go DO things outside of our house in the summer time because our kids need variety. And apparently we need to add more gray hairs to our pounding heads. So, off we went to Mukilteo beach to have a picnic and play in the water. It started off swell. We ate our lunch and then spent the rest of the time stressed out that our kids would drown. It was great.
Then, out of nowhere, Jack starts crying that his skin itched really bad. Although my husband asked Jack to stop giving himself a spa treatment with all the seaweed in the water, I didn't think it had anything to do with the fact that he was itchy. But, with the help of google, I learned that you can actually get stung by some types of seaweed. Aka seaweed that has jellyfish babies living on it, or flatworms or sea lice that tends to cause skin irritations. SUPER! As you can imagine, that was a really fun ride home. And as soon as we walked in the door, my husband announced that he was headed for a nap. So, there I was, left with 3 kids...one of whom was burning from head to toe.
Thanks for the help, Darling. So off to the shower I went, to scrub every inch of my screaming child. And after a dose of Benadryl and a thick layer of hydro cortisone cream, he was still miserable. I read that the rash can stick around for up to two weeks in some people. So, basically, I'm taking wine donations until he heals. You can have it shipped to 5843, Save Me Blvd, Crazy Town, Wa. 98296.
So, now that y'all have heard how my summer is going, I totally recommend staying in your own backyard, where car sickness and seaweed don't exist. Hands in the middle! Bombing at momming on three.