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New Years Resolutions.

Isn't it so fulfilling to come up with unrealistic goals at the start of every year, that we rarely accomplish? And even if we do stick to it for a while, usually by March we've fallen off the wagon. Cheers to doing that all over again.

Top of my list: Ole faithful. "Losing weight". But let's get real. I had a baby 9 months ago. I gained 30 lbs with her. She weighed 7 lbs 11 oz. When I got home from the hospital and weighted myself, I had only lost 9 lbs! 9 lbs! I swear my placenta had to weigh at least 15lbs, and the water is like, what? 8lbs? Then you have to factor in the blood shed, which is probably at least 6 lbs. So, I should have lost a total of 36 lbs on day one. I'm pretty sure the 3 days of the hospital's bland chicken breasts, saltine crackers, and cranberry juice totally screwed my chance at looking fly when I walked out of there. I personally know chicks who pack their pre pregnancy jeans in their hospital bags and actually leave the hospital wearing them. EFF YOU GUYS! Here I am 9 months later (to the day) and thankful I'm finally down 17 lbs. But that is only because I started a low carb diet on Dec. 15th (WHO DOES THAT 10 DAYS BEFORE CHRISTMAS!?) and haven't had a proper sour dough loaf in ages. But its time to get this mom bod back to the mom bod it was before cheddar popcorn and red wine took over. Honestly, if popcorn and wine were a diet plan, I would KILL IT! Until then, I will just have to avoid hot Cheetos and all things bread until this baby weight is gone. Or at least until March.

Resolution dos. Be more of a "Yes" mom. I would love to say "yes" more and "no" less, but my boys are Jack and Charlie. If I said yes to everything Jack wanted, he would literally blow the speakers blaring Imagine Dragons, zone into video games ALL day long and occasionally break from his trance for chips or a happy meal. And if I said yes to Charlie, he would dive head first off his bunk bed to start the day, cover the entire house in poop, unwind any toilet paper roll he could find to make a "skeletope" and eat goldfish crackers for every meal. I think I need to start small. I can maybe say yes to something like, "Will you read us another book tonight?" or "Can we make cookies?" or "Can we take a bath?". Those are all doable. Plus, they have grown out of the the every other night bath gig, and leaped right into smelling like a taco truck regularly, so that I can say yes too. It's progress.



Numero Three. Unplugging. I need to put the phone down. I cant even go pee without scrolling Instagram. It's a real problem. But its also super convenient to have in the palm of my hand when I need to call poison control, check Pinterest for the dinner recipe I pinned, or to capture photos or videos of the sheer chaos my children create regularly. Could you imagine if I left my phone at home before leaving the house with them? I would miss the opportunity to freeze frame their shenanigans and forget their entire childhood. Last night I took a bubble bath for the first time in over a year (by myself), and purposely kept the phone in my bedroom. More so because the thought of dropping it in the tub gave me heart palpitations, but also to try and separate myself from noise for just a little while. But, as every mom can imagine, I was rudely interrupted by my 4 year old coming in to tell me he had to pee so bad and my bathroom was apparently the only option out of the three we have. Hey, at least he used the toilet this time. But, after he slammed the seat down and ran out screaming super hero quotes, the baby woke up. So, there I am, soap all up in my hair, the boys are reeking havoc on the house and waking their sick, sleeping sister. My freaking lavender bath bomb didn't get to do it's job! And guess what? My phone was too far away to text my husband to see if he was almost home from work so I could at least wash my unmentionables before having to get out and save the baby. Now you all can see why moms literally have to keep their phones close at all times. It was a good run, but I'm never leaving it again.

And last, but certainly not least, volume. I'll be the first to admit that when I am tested by my children, my voice elevates. Sometimes it automatically starts off at a higher desebel depending on what I'm dealing with. This new year I really want to try and keep it cool for as long as mommingly possible. But my children make it so hard! Loud parents create loud children. At least that's how it goes at our house. A couple days ago I was upstairs getting ready for work. Both kids were home from school getting over sickness, and all of the sudden I hear my 5 year old, Jack, yell, "YOU'RE AN ASSHOLE, CHARLIE!!!". Now, although I completely agree with that statement on occasion, it is never ok to cuss at each other or call each other names. Wonder who taught them that, DANNY!? So, I whip out of my room, dip my head over the stair well and yell, "JACK JAMISON! YOU DO NOT SAY THAT WORD, EVER, EVER, EVER!! GO TO YOUR ROOM FOR A TIME OUT!" It turns out Jack was calling him names because Charlie was throwing tae bo side kicks at him, so they both got to sit alone in silence. Bonus was that Jack actually fell asleep.


Which is the best case scenario when the Hunger Games fights begin. Quiet. It really is refreshing. So, then I shoot a text over to my husband that reads:









Wow. I didn't even have to start accusing. He just took it like a champ, right off the bat. In the past, he would have sent back something like, " Weird. Disney Jr. has really gone down hill." and then I would have started a rant and he would just throw his phone and not respond to me until he got home from work. He's learning. Doesn't necessarily fix the language issue, but I'm ok with baby steps.

So, my friends, those are the top resolutions I chose to bomb in 2018. I hope the start of your new year has been wonderful. But if not, have no fear. You are not alone. Hands in the middle! Bombing at momming on 3.....

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